Scott's Place

Scott Davis was born in Birmingham, Alabama, two days before Christmas, in 1959, looking much then as now: bald and blue-eyed.  His mother was all for giving birth earlier, but kindly agreed to abide by his scheduling constraints - the more readily, since this would almost certainly get her out of Christmas dinner with the In-Laws.  Scott's father, a Marine, was serving in Japan at the time, but quickly took emergency leave to visit the wife and newly-spawned Scott. Daddy Davis remained just long enough to sign the wrong set of birth documents, then headed back to Japan, leaving his wife to conspire with the OB Nurse to change the name she and her husband had previously agreed on. This conspiracy was made possible by the fact that the actual birth documents had not been signed by anyone …

 

Soon after his twelfth Birthday, Scott was made aware that his name was not in fact the ‘Randall Scott’ suggested by the OB Nurse, nor yet the ‘Russell Scott’ agreed to by his father, but was, in fact, ________  ________ DAVIS, as attested by the actual Birth Certificate.  The IRS wondered Why Staff Sergeant Davis was claiming him as a live dependent, Staff Sergeant Davis was wondering why the Birth Certificate was so messed-up, Mrs. Davis was wondering whether the whole conspiracy with the OB Nurse was going to come to light, the OB Nurse, when informed, wondered if she’d ever gotten around to filling in the name on the form (she hadn’t), and Scott was left wondering just what the hell his name really was … 

 

The matter was settled by an appearance before a judge, where everyone involved attested that Scott was, in fact, himself – a matter the judge made official just as soon as his $50 fee was paid. The entire ridiculous exercise, including the $50 fee, had to be repeated 1 year later when it came to light that Staff Sergeant Davis couldn’t spell worth a damn, and had managed to spell ‘Randall’ as ‘Randale’. 

 

Rumors that Scott was actually someone else could not be proven,– not that the FBI didn’t try really hard, while screening him for a security clearance. The reader will be doubtless be pleased to know that nearly one million dollars of federal tax money was expended to make certain that Scott was, in actual fact, himself.

 

Ever since those events, Scott has been fascinated with words – in particular, the art of stringing them together to make important statements about the world and/or to make fun of it.

 

Scott remains himself, to this day.  Rumors that he occasionally moonlights as someone else he emphatically denies in concert with the person he moonlights as.